Al-Qaeda Denounces ISIS for Stealing All Media Coverage

Al-Qaeda Denounces ISIS for Stealing All Media Coverage

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"We bust our asses just as hard as ISIS, but Al-Qaeda just doesn't seem sexy enough for the Western media..." - Al-Qaeda activist
“We bust our asses just as hard as ISIS, but Al-Qaeda just doesn’t seem sexy enough for the Western media…” – Al-Qaeda activist

ISLAMABAD – Hundreds of Al-Qaeda members and private terrorists rallied downtown Islamabad in a wave of protest against increased media attention to ISIS. The protesters chanted for equal coverage of terrorist acts on both fronts and against “apparent favoritism”.

Head of the Al-Qaeda insurgents, Zahal al-Qalzawi announced to the gathered crowd the full patchwork of discontent: “What is so wrong about our terrorist attacks, my friends? Why is media not covering our attacks as much as they cover the ISIS douchebags? Are we not organizing explosions creatively enough? Our suicide bombers work hard day and night to impress the Western media, but, hey, at the end of the day, ISIS assholes make all the headlines!”

International Terrorist Trade Union has voiced concern over the media bias. The Union has published the following statement:

“We, the Union of Suicide Activists call on world leaders to take politics away from terrorism coverage on TV. We believe that any terrorist attack regardless of nationality, race or religion affiliation should be equally covered by key TV companies. We are concerned over under-representation of our terrorist efforts around the globe and artificial focus on ISIS activities, which, by the way, underperform compared to Al-Qaeda”.

"ISIS assholes steal our thunder but... it's not fair... it's just not fair, for Chrissake", - Al-Qaeda veteran suicide-bomber
“ISIS assholes steal our thunder but… it’s not fair… it’s just not fair, for Chrissake”, – Al-Qaeda veteran suicide-bomber

One of the suicide bomber instructors, Ali al-Nariki told ThePolitist with deep disappointment: “I remember the good days of some 5-4 years ago. Then, even a small suicide bomb would generate coverage on prime time of CNN, especially as we did it right after that “Mission Accomplished” announcement.. Oh, the good days.. good days indeed”.

Human Rights Watch published a report criticizing Western media and especially CNN and BBC for providing disproportionate coverage to ISIS. The report particularly says:

“While ISIS terrorism is still a major issue, it is inadmissible to ignore the traditional terrorist groups like Al-Qaeda. from newsfeed. This year Al -Qaeda’s brave men and women  have exploded over 1000 civilian and 54 military objects and received a total of 98 minutes of TV coverage, while ISIS got a full 500 minutes with a shameful death toll at some 476 and unprecedented low in military facility explosions – 17.”

Soon followed reaction from the ISIS side, where ISIS made the case for maintaining current proportion of news coverage: “Indeed, our traditional death toll has unfortunately dropped in the past few months”, says ISIS suicide spokesman Jamal Kliderman. “However, we have been exercising a more inclusive approach in suicide bombing, as opposed to Al-Qaeda’s blunt attacks. Number of women suicide-bombers in our efforts now make up over 35%. Compare this to Al-Qaeda’s pathetic 20%”.

As the two conflicting terrorist groups continue debate, Peace Nobel Prize winning president Obama has approved a program of sending more troops and reporters to Iraq with advanced digital cameras and direct connection to YouTube.

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