Warning: following publication may contain spoilers for seasons 1-4 of Game of Thrones.
MOSCOW – Following ban of accounts in foreign banks for state officials and possible ban on iPad use by Government, Russia is adamant on yet another serious sanction against US. Russian President Vladimir Putin announced on Saturday that he would no longer be following Game of Thrones, a popular fantasy series on HBO. President called on all TV channels, state officials and regular citizen to immediately suppress their interest towards the series. “Certainly this is not easy, but we must impose as many counter sanctions on United States as possible. It is especially difficult in light of all season 5 cliffhangers, but at times when the West uses every single opportunity to hurt us, we must fight with tough sanctions too.”, – noted Putin, “Besides Tywin Lannister died anyway, so there’s barely anyone to root for in that show”.
Kremlin critic and chess champion Garry Kasparov thinks some ministers may not resist the temptation and secretly watch the new episodes. “We are humans after all, come on. One can’t follow rise of Daenerys Targaryen for 4 years and just suddenly stop when she’s so close. What about Jon Snow, is he ever gonna know anything?”. It’s always difficult to predict Kremlin’s next move, but the opposition heard rumors of an an alternate ending to the series being shot. Kasparov claims actors are secretly being cast to play in Russian version of season 5. Alleged plot involves Seven Kingdoms organizing a free and transparent referendum and voting to join Russia.
Further sanctions may possibly ban Netflix series”House of Cards”, where Russian President was portrayed almost as bad as the American one. Kremlin however advised state channel to move time slots of Walking Dead, a series where United States is swept by a zombie apocalypse, to prime time.